We are so fragile

I've been thinking a lot about how close to the edge we're all living right now. From worrying about our emergency fund to worrying about how my daughter will throw a tantrum about the smallest things, it seems that just a little push could  be all it takes to wreck pretty much any of us. (Not to mention being scared when someone without a mask walks down the street past me...)

Things that would normally roll off our backs are ruining our days. I find myself getting choked up when my daughter's teacher or principal sends out daily messages and says she misses the kids. I worry every time we have a company meeting (which is a lot, basically every Friday.) Sometimes I wish it were acceptable for me to have a tantrum like my daughter does.

Today was not really any worse for me than any other day, but it was pretty terrible for my wife, so I needed to help her out a little bit. My kids had a pretty rough day too for reasons I'm not really clear about. I think today they were particularly aware of how little attention we were able to give them.

There's so many things, little and big, pushing on all of us. It's not just the virus and the economy, it's things like the stresses of isolation, the worry about my knee, the lack of school and childcare and friends, the growing realization that it will be many more months or longer before we regain any semblance of normalcy. And all of this is making everyone worse, less patient, less compassionate, less generous... (Surely there are plenty of counterexamples, for instance, my town has an amazing volunteer organization helping people in need.)

It leaves me feeling very vulnerable and fragile.