I don't know how to feel

Joe Biden won the election, that's good; but Trump refuses to leave office, that's bad; a covid vaccine has been approved by the FDA, that's good; but it will be many months before it is widely available and cases are skyrocketing, that's bad; the kids are doing ok with remote school, that's good; but spending all day watching my son at class is driving me crazy, that's bad...

Anyway I keep whipsawing between feeling a little bit optimistic and returning to my state of existential dread. The political news is a disaster still. Even with Biden's clear victory it is impossible for me to feel a sense of relief until what feels like a slow-burn coup attempt is finally put down. I also worry that the country may have been irreparably damaged in the past four years and that the people who put Trump in power may continue their destructive courses of action even under Biden.

The vaccine developments are unambiguously good news, but knowing that it might be summer before we are all vaccinated is daunting. Until recently many of us had been working on the assumption that the virus was starting to subside and that life would be getting back to normal at some not-too-distant point. (I am not sure if I count myself among them, but maybe.) But now it is clear that things won't be back to any semblance of normalcy for at least six months or so, perhaps a good deal longer if people continue to deny the danger and resist vaccinations.

And of course cases have been skyrocketing lately, which seems unambiguously bad. Our governor's response has not been encouraging. They revised the metrics for our red-yellow-green state map such that almost everywhere is back in the green despite huge increases in cases - imho all of this is so he can avoid rolling back the reopening. I think that he can't make up his mind if he wants to take care of people or if he wants to take care of businesses. Right now it seems like he is doing neither. Personally, as awful as lockdown was in the spring, I think it might be (past) time for another one.

We've made it this far, we can do another six months if we need to, but it is going to be rough. I am worried about how all of this isolation is affecting my kids' social development and their mental health. I am very fortunate to have a job that can be done entirely from home pretty much indefinitely - my wife however may need to start going into the office in a few months.

Some days I feel like things are starting to move in the right direction, but other days I feel like I'm delusional to think that. As I write this I'm not sure which of those poles I'm leaning towards, but I am not feeling terribly optimistic today.